Early-Evening Flight: The Video Show 2

MUSIC

Santana Shreds. Check out other ones by StSanders. All funny.

TELEVISION

Beans Baxter! (Finally, something! I wasn't just dreaming this show.)

NATURE

Judge Judy's Cuties

I've been putting this off long enough. It's time to present to the world my infallible theory concerning my fourth favorite judge show: Judge Judy. I've gone into detail here and on other digital ephemera about my wilderness years, three blissful years of general lack-of-activity and layabout-ness. Yeah, O yeah, it was pretty sweet. During this tour of un-duty I became quite the expert concerning daytime television. My major would be judge shows, with a minor in dating shows.

Every judge show has it's own internal logic. When this logic (passed down by the grand-daddy and my second favorite judge show: The People's Court) is altered to taste it creates the panoply of fine programs we (as in, me) enjoy. Judge Mathis and his comedic brio, Judge Joe Brown and his "in the stands" reporter (whose hushed tones and hotness could very well launch a future entry into this blog and your hearts), Judge Meredith Milian and her muy caliente asides - all these wonderful staples. Eye For An Eye screwed with the formula too much...it's a load of springer'd garbage. Judge Judy's take on the formula is well known: Cranky Crone/Craziness Ensues. It's a gold standard. But there is another tweak to the robes and ho's and mortgages foreclosed racket that her show has, I believe, subconciously foisted on the underemployed and dazed daytime viewer. It's the Judge Judy's Cuties.

Watch the beginning of each of these clips. As the plantiff and the defendant walk into the court one can easily see that the audience is comprised of both men and women. Now, whenever they cut to a one-shot of either of the main players notice the grouping of the crowd behind them...all women! The men have either a) moved b) been placed behind the defendant/plantiff c) been seated outside the frame for these close-ups or d) been transformed into attractive or semi-attractive ladies! Whaaa? Weird, you say? Me too, me too.

This method of "clustering" females in the background has grown throughout the run of "Judge Judy". The first few seasons you'd even see a few old dudes back there in the peanut gallery. As the show progressed the men were weaned out and replaced by a bevy of all sorts of women: grannies, teens, concerned soccer moms, goths, you name it. In the last few seasons the producers have honed the estrogen cluster technique and have even dismissed the old, the ugly, plain, and fatsome ladies that used to give the audience a certain "womyn's support group" vibe. Now every episode has at least three model-types who fill their background stint with looks that can only convey a thirst for justice or a hunger for the spotlight. But why this ploy? Why hide the men and the formless? Is it to combat the inevitable snaggletoothed aging that has befallen the already questionable face of the show's star? Or do we, the lumpen viewers, really need as much eye candy as we can take, be it shoe-horned into a judge show or a commercial for veneral warts? Me thinks a little from column A and a little from column B.

That's that,
Joe


PS: This one is just creepy. Hopefully, i'll get around to praising the best of the best that is Judge Mathis. I also want to mourn the death of Entertainment Tonight. That's right, it's dead to me.

PPS: This one is an early one, so the cluster isn't quite there yet. But it's John Lydon, so Whoomp/Whoot there it is!

Early-Evening Flight: The Video Show 1

When I have nothing much to say and have not properly got my Judge Judy post together, I throw videos I like up here instead of clogging your inboxes (ewww...).

MUSIC

The Primitive Calculators "I Can't Stop It"

MOVIES

Turkish Star Wars

REAL LIFE

Stabbing at a Party

That's that,
Joe

PS: And just to mock my inabilities to do the Court Show post, a NEW court show starring a old white guy is coming this fall. Sorry I can't be more specific, but I just saw the ad on the back of a moving Detroit bus.

The Doors Part Three Trailer...

That's that,
Joe

PS: I think I spelled "Scaggs" wrong? Ah, who cares.

Ghost's got the juice now...

Next year will see Iron Man come to the big screen. I'm not much of a fan of the comic book, but I sure like me some Ironman, Ghostface Killah's solo album. So how do the producers get idiots like me into theaters to watch a Robert Downey Jr. summer blockerbuster? Why, cast Tony Starks himself, not as Tony Starks, but as a "Dubai Sheik" or some such. Works for me. All they need to do now is cast "that Love Jones actress" Nia Long and have Ghost get back the stolen script he lost on Fishscale. When worlds collide!

That's that,
Joe

PS: I'll get on that Judge Show post soon. I've been busy trying to wrap my head around the existence of Dennis Kucinich's hot, Mother Teresa helpin', English wife. I think it might prove a few things about karma...or something something...

Judge Show Judges Show Judgments

Anybody that knows me knows I'm a expert on "judge" shows. Thanks to extended years of unemployment and a general thirst for justice, I have become the font of knowledge in my peer group when it comes to the ins and outs of the daytime courts. I hope to impart some of my insight for you, dear readers, in the months and years to come. You can thank me later. The first installment (which I am currently pondering) will prove once and for all the interesting phenomenon that is Judge Judy's Beauties. Stay tuned!

That's that,
Joe

PS: Yes, Judge Mathis is the best. I'll explain. And yes, Judge "extreme" Akim is the worst. But you already knew that.

Bergman and Antonioni are Dead

Life goes on for the auteurs though...

That's that,
Joe

A Trailer to a Future Blockbuster (That Will Change Your Life Forever)!!!

That's that,
Joe

PS: I got crapped on by a bird.

Photo Grab Bag 3

As I was cleaning out the old Saturn to trade-in (no worries, I have a new one, Saturn Boyz 4 Life, as they say), I found an old roll of b&w film. It took a long time and cost a pretty penny (Jeers: CVS on 10 Mile and Southfield!) to develop. Only a couple of photos survived. These photos are old, old. I'm guessing 2000, maybe older. Anywoo, here's another random batch...


Kevin Boyer and the Noise

Matt Z.

Dan Fargo

That's that,
Joe

PS: How did Matt Z go from scowly looking De Niro to this? :

Video Grab Bag 1

ODD CLOUDS


REPTILE FORCEFIELD


TYVEK

Matt couldn't play this show because of a "raking" accident. Is that what they're calling self-abuse nowadays? Anyways, they also had only one guitar amp. Hendrik filled in on drums for a couple songs.

That's that,
Joe

Oh, Now I Remember!

I'm in the very long process of whittling down 10 hours of useless footage on my way to producing a reasonable facsimile of a "tour movie". Along the way, I find i'm able to piece together a few scant whiffs of memories. Also I'm able to tell from how much the camera shakes whether I was in the cups at that time. It's a fun game.
Here's a few clippos:



This is from the show in Mexicali, Mexico. We probably were in Mexico for less that five hours, yet it felt a lifetime (in a good sorta way). Matt Z was filming this. I was still jumpy at this point about filming the shows. I never wanted to be one of those butt-holes that push up front and act like they're videotapping the best Ratt show ever. I was also jumpy because I have never been to a foreign country before (Canada don't count). My unfortunate education in movies had me believing the night would end in a shallow grave, sans kidney, with some sort of veneral disease and a bad case of the poo poos. I was foolish. The bar itself, the Berlin 77, was pretty cool. The patrons seemed to favor The Smiths, Depeche Mode, and New Order on their jukebox. No fooling. Cheveu had a good show. Tyvek show was good too. There wasn't a mike stand present at the time, so Kevin had to sing through a mike duct taped to a stripper pole. Ha ha. Mexicali was a good town to experience Mexico. It seemed pretty straight up and down.



This here is from Oakland. Now, I've got better versions of "Needles Drop", but I figure I should save em' for the movie. It was a fun show. We planned ahead and got ample supplies of whiskey. I was a little sad that Cheveu gave up the Jameson's for the crowd. But how else can those snooty cheese-eaters win over a crowd? With their music? Cassé!! Nice Smile had another in a line of sweet shows and Pets were pretty sweet as well. That was a nice thing about the tour. Pretty much all the bands were awesome. Not a stinker in the bunch. Some were super awesome. In that GPGB category (Great People Great Band). Here's an example of one of those such bands:

Exhibit A: "Ammunition"



Exibit B: "Rat Hotel"



It's the Charming Snakes!

That's that,
Joe

PS: More to come and other stuff besides...

Well, that happened...

photo from ElectrikCandyland: http://flickr.com/photos/canderson/

Yep, that pic (from the San Francisco show) pretty much sums up the tour that was. I know I snoozed on updating during the duration. But it's hard to nerd n' blog out when you live off of no sleep, rock and squall, booze, tacos and burgers.


I hope to remember it all in some fashion. All the great folks I got to meet. All the lousy shampoo showers. Next post I'll start rememberin'. I promise. I even got some video and (not as good as the above) snaps. Until then, caseeé!!!

That's that,
Joe

Day One: Ride That Snake

Well, it's begun. You know you're in L.A. when your walking around Echo Park Lake and you aspie a certain "larry williams' favorite" actor lounging in a canvas chair. It's a good omen. I'll ask him if he wants to be in Doors III.
Here's Doors II:





That's that,
Joe

PS: already had some awesome tacos, thanks to Dominic and Kim. Who knew potato tacos would be so good. So good Aris ate seventeen.

Franco-American Friendship Tour is Go!

The flyers are starting to roll in (nice).

Here's a more or less complete listing of the shows:

Fri May 4 Los Angeles, CA @ Pehrspace, 325 Glendale Blvd, w/ Abe Vigoda & Anchors for Architects $5 all-agesSat May 5 San Diego, CA @ Tower Bar, 4757 University Ave, w/ The Atoms 21+Sun May 6 (open)Mon May 7 Mexicali, Mexico @ details forthcomingTue May 8 Sacramento, CA @ Fools Foundation, 19th & K Streets, w/ TBA $5 members/$7 non, all-agesWed May 9 Chico, CA? w/ Nothing People?Thurs May 10 Portland, OR @ Slabtown 1033 NW 16th Ave w/ Meercaz & Reptilian Civilian 21+Sat May 11 Vancouver, BC, Canada @ Pub 340, 340 Cambie St. w/ Arthrose Aujourd'huiSat May 12 Seattle, WA @ Funhouse 206 5th Ave N. w/ A Frames, Nice Smile 21+Sun May 13 Olympia, WA @ Le Voyeur w/ Charming Snakes + 1 TBAMon May 14 Seattle, WA @ SS Marie Antoinette, 1235 Westlake, w/ Talbot Tagora & Coconut Coolouts, all-agesTue May 15 day offWed May 16 Portland, OR @ Artistery 4315 SE Division St. w/ Eat Skull (members of Hospitals), all-agesThurs May 17 Oakland, CA @ 21 Grand, 416 25th St., w/ Red Nurse & Pets, all-agesFri May 18 San Francisco, CA @ Hemlock Tavern, 1131 Polk St., w/ Nice Smile $7 21+Sat May 19 Davis, CA @ DAM Haus, 503 E Street, w/ Nothing People & Nice Smile, 7:00 food/7:30 music $$DONATE$$ all-agesSun May 20 Los Angeles, CA @ The Echo, 1822 W Sunset Blvd, "Part Time Punks" night w/ Glass Candy, Under 21 $8/21+ free before 10:30 & $5 afterwards

Yeah, that's a big chunk of text. My bad. Hopefully I'll be able to do some on the spot reporting, like a real deal Fox 2 Problemsolver, or a Channel 7 Defender.

That's that,

Joe

PS: I think that Mexicali date is wrong, I think it's Sunday May Sixth. Ah well.

See What I Mean Is?

See? Look at that photo of Iggy (thanks again, T-Mobile). As far as you could guess it could be a photo of:

1. One of those bad Detroit fashion shows that always feature the shirtless "rocker" guy.

2: An airbrushed reinterpretation of that Guns N' Roses video when they goon around on top of that skyscraper.

3. My computer screen with a clip from the New Dance Show, but like, oddly saturated.

4. A child's dream of what Jesus might look like if he was around today.

5. Someone or something "raising the roof".

6. A scene from Cops: The Musical.

But I swear real hard, that's Iggy. Please believe it.

that's that,

Joe

PS: Did anybody go to the New Dance Show party this weekend. That article in "Real Southeast Counties" seemed to imply that "The Count" was going to be there. Was he? Isn't he super old? Undead perhaps? Ah well, see you later you fat, selfish, little pigs.

The Abstract Stooge

Well, I was at the Stooges show last week at the Fox. The Stooges in Detroit City, right? Should be historic. My oldest brother - he of steady employment and the inherited misunderstanding of money and it's worth- splurged on two third row tickets over the orchestra pit. So much Raw Power one would need penicillin, right? Here's one stooge's opinion:

First off, there should be a photo above all this blather. A square of pixelated trash uploaded from a phone that T-Mobile says has a "camera". This camera is actually more of a "memory machine". Vague and unfocused, obsolete as soon as it is captured, the phone camera (at least the one I have) serves no purpose other than maintaining, however poorly, the catalogued life of the modern, hep consumer. Just yesterday I saw a boy taking a picture of a limousine outside a moto-cross event at Ford Field. It wasn't much of a limo. I wondered how long that kid would hold onto that image of that limo. Longer than he remembered seeing it? A week? Would there be a "blog" with that photo featured? Did he catch the limo driver in the photo? Did he, like me, capture said driver, the one with the ill-fitting rent-to-own tuxedo, taking furtive chugs from a Icehouse? Did he care? What was my point? Oh, yeah: That photo of Iggy, however crude and arguable, proved I was there. For that moment I was of the moment. It gave this entry a title. Without it, it will make less to no sense. But T-Mobile's website, the one they flaunt tri-weekly with mail sent to me of multi-culti people laughing with joy and jumping off of docks in ecstasy, ain't fucking working. So screw them and forgive me. Anyway...

The Fox isn't a place to see a great rock show. The place is just too beautiful. Too ornate. There's a amazing bust of a golden elephant that hangs over the stage. I was worried the rock savagery to come would shake it from it's moorings and crush all us cretins. The Fox is that kinda place, it makes you feel small in it's out sized beauty. I'm not the type to screw up something I think is pretty, unless she wants me to. So seeing the same crowd that made the Stooges show at Pine Knob such a blast put me on edge at the Fox. Seeing a guy pissing in a ashtray at Pine Knob: awesome dude. Seeing the same thing at the Fox while an elderly volunteer usher (who probably just wanted to work Irving Berlin's "Wonderful Town" before she died): Kinda sad.

The Pine Knob show was one of the best rock and roll nights of my "muckin' aboot" life. We arrived after the Von Bondies were done: showing Providence was with us. We had a good patch of grass on the hill in the setting sun for Sonic Youth: never a fan, but the patch of grass made it glorious. Then the Stooges. So these were the prophets I was slavish for. Before the stink of Skull Ring had settled in my nose, years before The Weirdness kicked the hopes and dreams of a thousand music nerds into the waste bin of history. This was THE STOOGES. Sure the fan pile-up on stage was semi-orchestrated. Who cares? It was a blast.

Back at the Fox and I'm in my seat. So close to the stage. I'm never this close, never ever. My brother, what a saint. I remember being pretty close to the front for "The Chipmunks: On Ice!" in my youth, but this was a whole 'nother bowl of gravy. Now the show starts after a long set-up. Me, I love the roadies and the sound guys. Watch them during a show if you can. They're like baseball players out there. A unit moving as one. Working hard and all that. The fella whose job, I think, involved checking levels and keeping Iggy alive and away from the drunk fat creeps was the MVP for sure.

Mike Watt is another fella who gives you your money's worth spectatin'. He's no ball-hog or show boat. He sweats and bug eyes the crowd, looking like the biggest fan of the Stooges while bass playing. He seems like a swell guy. Put Steve MacKay on that list too. His saxophone is one of the big reasons everybody thinks Fun House is the best record ever. He's great, yeah alright.

The sound upfront is a little disconcerting. Is that always the case? With earplugs and without (I opted for without. What's the Stooges without some screeee...oh yeah, The Weirdness.) songs felt overthrown, that is - I wondered if the plebs in the balcony were getting the full bidness. I think they were. That being said the ol' songs still packed a punch. Being in the front, the front being the exclusive, roped-off swell-igent section was odd for other reasons too. You get to see the machinations of a "wild" rock and roll show be executed with efficiency. The main aisle was magically filled with "hipster" looking folk ready and able to catch Iggy when he jumped in the crowd. The same guy came out and started the impromptu bum-rush. But no bums, nay, just us folks in the primo. I opted out. I did see a drunk dad get thrown from the stage when he tried the bum rush after the specific song. He got his face planted while his son watched with a mix of pathos and regret. Ol dad, bounded with the beer, tried again and this time was politely escorted back stage (and beyond). His poor son had to be fetched a song later to take his maker home.

That being said, the ol' drunko was probably younger than Iggy. Ah Iggy Himself. Up close those muscles and ladypants that always look weird in photos become something more so. The skin: old lady. The pants: little girl. Iggy's dance moves, cabinet humping, sex-acting are cabaret, plain and simple. Creepy cabaret at that. Up close and thirty and some change years later, it becomes like those new songs on The Weirdness that skeeved everybody out - shtick ossified by time. The old songs is what we all paid for. An abstract version of that 70's sound is what we got and a 30 dollar t-shirt if'n you desired. I remember folks making fun of the Eagles when I was in high school for selling out and offering up their inoffensive music for retrograde fans. Now me and the Stooges are doing that same ol' song and dance, under the golden elephant that hangs over our heads. How's that for a final metaphor?

That's that,
Joe

PS: Mostly I posted this drab entry to loosen up some dead limbs I used to have and to break up what will probably be non-stop tour coverage for the next month. Really, that Stooges show was fun. From what I remember. Big shows have a habit of making me feel shilled is all. That, and Iggy threw a bottled water on me, the bastard. How un-rock is that? Huh? Sheesh?

Draw a line through May (you'll be busy and drunk)

Yeah, I know it's more than a month away. But Joe Dammit, I'm excited! The Tyvek Tour ups and downs the West Coast is fast approaching. Here are the dates:


May 4 2007
8:00P
PEHRSPACE, ECHO PARK CA W/ABE VIGODA, CHEVEU, ANCHORS FOR ARCHITECTS
LOS ANGELES, California

May 5 2007
8:00P
THE TOWER BAR, SAN DIEGO
SAN DIEGO

May 6 2007
8:00P
BERLIN, MEXICALI MEXICO W/CHEVEU, XR-7, SLAB CITY
MEXICALI

May 9 2007
8:00P
CHICO CA W/NOTHING PEOPLE/CHEVEU
CHICO

May 10 2007
8:00P
SLABTOWN, PORTLAND W/CHEVEU
PORTLAND

May 11 2007
8:00P
PUB 340, VANCOUVER B.C.
VANCOUVER

May 12 2007
8:00P
FUNHOUSE SEATTLE W/A-FRAMES, CHEVEU, NICE SMILE
SEATTLE

May 13 2007
8:00P
LE VOYEUR, OLYMPIA WA WITH CHARMING SNAKES AND CHEVEU
OLYMPIA

May 14 2007
8:00P
GROOVY ALL AGES COOLOUT PARTY
SEATTLE

May 16 2007
8:00P
THE ARTISTERY, PORTLAND W/ CHEVEU ALL AGES
PORTLAND

May 17 2007
8:00P
21 GRAND, OAKLAND CA W/CHEVEU, BATTLESHIP, PETS
OAKLAND

May 18 2007
8:00P
HEMLOCK TAVERN SF W/CHEVEU, NICE SMILE
SAN FRANCISCO, CA

May 19 2007
8:00P
DAM HAUS, DAVIS CA WITH CHEVEU, NOTHING PEOPLE, NICE SMILE
DAVIS

May 20 2007
8:00P
PART-TIME PUNKS, L.A. W/GLASS CANDY, CHEVEU
LOS ANGELES

I'll be there. Hope you will too.
That's that,
Joe

Oh boy oh boy! Here's what to expect (but sounding better and looking worse):

Photo Grab Bag 2

Kevin, Me, Colin, and Davidde at the Moon, Mi
Ann, Matt Z., Karl, and Joe in Chicago, Il
Trevor, Mike Z, Dean, and Dave Patterson at Camp De Sales
A Meeting of the Lesbian/Gay/Bi-Sexual/Filipino Porch Club? Ann, Dante, Mike K. at 306 S. Madison, Ann Arbor Mi
Joe in Detroit, Mi

Photo Grab Bag

Davidde and Dave, Harmonie Park, Detroit
Two Thirds of Zaxxon, Cincinnati, Ohio
Neil, Brooklyn, New York
The famous actor, Brooklyn, Michigan

So it has come to this...

I suppose this is a test. I'll have more amazing things to drop once I do.
That's that,
Joe