Early-Evening Flight: The Video Show 2

MUSIC

Santana Shreds. Check out other ones by StSanders. All funny.

TELEVISION

Beans Baxter! (Finally, something! I wasn't just dreaming this show.)

NATURE

Judge Judy's Cuties

I've been putting this off long enough. It's time to present to the world my infallible theory concerning my fourth favorite judge show: Judge Judy. I've gone into detail here and on other digital ephemera about my wilderness years, three blissful years of general lack-of-activity and layabout-ness. Yeah, O yeah, it was pretty sweet. During this tour of un-duty I became quite the expert concerning daytime television. My major would be judge shows, with a minor in dating shows.

Every judge show has it's own internal logic. When this logic (passed down by the grand-daddy and my second favorite judge show: The People's Court) is altered to taste it creates the panoply of fine programs we (as in, me) enjoy. Judge Mathis and his comedic brio, Judge Joe Brown and his "in the stands" reporter (whose hushed tones and hotness could very well launch a future entry into this blog and your hearts), Judge Meredith Milian and her muy caliente asides - all these wonderful staples. Eye For An Eye screwed with the formula too much...it's a load of springer'd garbage. Judge Judy's take on the formula is well known: Cranky Crone/Craziness Ensues. It's a gold standard. But there is another tweak to the robes and ho's and mortgages foreclosed racket that her show has, I believe, subconciously foisted on the underemployed and dazed daytime viewer. It's the Judge Judy's Cuties.

Watch the beginning of each of these clips. As the plantiff and the defendant walk into the court one can easily see that the audience is comprised of both men and women. Now, whenever they cut to a one-shot of either of the main players notice the grouping of the crowd behind them...all women! The men have either a) moved b) been placed behind the defendant/plantiff c) been seated outside the frame for these close-ups or d) been transformed into attractive or semi-attractive ladies! Whaaa? Weird, you say? Me too, me too.

This method of "clustering" females in the background has grown throughout the run of "Judge Judy". The first few seasons you'd even see a few old dudes back there in the peanut gallery. As the show progressed the men were weaned out and replaced by a bevy of all sorts of women: grannies, teens, concerned soccer moms, goths, you name it. In the last few seasons the producers have honed the estrogen cluster technique and have even dismissed the old, the ugly, plain, and fatsome ladies that used to give the audience a certain "womyn's support group" vibe. Now every episode has at least three model-types who fill their background stint with looks that can only convey a thirst for justice or a hunger for the spotlight. But why this ploy? Why hide the men and the formless? Is it to combat the inevitable snaggletoothed aging that has befallen the already questionable face of the show's star? Or do we, the lumpen viewers, really need as much eye candy as we can take, be it shoe-horned into a judge show or a commercial for veneral warts? Me thinks a little from column A and a little from column B.

That's that,
Joe


PS: This one is just creepy. Hopefully, i'll get around to praising the best of the best that is Judge Mathis. I also want to mourn the death of Entertainment Tonight. That's right, it's dead to me.

PPS: This one is an early one, so the cluster isn't quite there yet. But it's John Lydon, so Whoomp/Whoot there it is!

Judge Show Judges Show Judgments

Anybody that knows me knows I'm a expert on "judge" shows. Thanks to extended years of unemployment and a general thirst for justice, I have become the font of knowledge in my peer group when it comes to the ins and outs of the daytime courts. I hope to impart some of my insight for you, dear readers, in the months and years to come. You can thank me later. The first installment (which I am currently pondering) will prove once and for all the interesting phenomenon that is Judge Judy's Beauties. Stay tuned!

That's that,
Joe

PS: Yes, Judge Mathis is the best. I'll explain. And yes, Judge "extreme" Akim is the worst. But you already knew that.